Last Night

Last night,
I felt this sudden rush,
A painfully strong urge to call you.
And just so you know,
I went as far as
Dialing your number.
But I didn't.
Because I feared that
You will not pick up my call
I feared the hurt, the heart breaks.

So I walked down to the nearest bar
And after the fourth shot of cheap liquor,
I felt better.
Seconds later, I passed out.
I woke up in a stranger's bed,
Next morning.

There's this void, you see.
A black hole of feelings and
I keep falling and hitting the ground in agony,
In hopes of finding you somewhere.
It's inexplicable.
But it's also inevitable.

Six heartbreak songs later,
I reach home.
I fall asleep at 4 am,
Clutching the phone close to my chest while listening to the voice, text that you had sent me years ago.

Sometimes I wonder, that perhaps I need to feel a pain greater than this. A pain so huge that the pain of letting you go subsides.

You see, there are ways of dying that don't end in funerals

But
We heal with time.
We all do.
So one day,
I'll want to talk about what happened
Without mentioning how much it hurt
And how I looked at you with my rose colored glasses that I couldn't notice the red flags.

One day,
My heart will scream, loud and clear
It will want to write you a poem.
But I'll end up writing you a fucking eulogy.
And I will fucking send it to your address.

One day, you'll call
And I'll not pick. 
                                                                                                               - Viplow Srivastava